I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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