She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
