You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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