Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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