well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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