Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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