I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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