i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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