totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
