I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
