Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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