I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
