I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
