I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
