So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
