im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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