Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
