3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
