In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
