come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
