My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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