my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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