Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
