butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
