I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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