I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
