i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
