you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
