Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
