...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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