you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
