We won't sleep together?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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