I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
