im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
