Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
