I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
