I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
