I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
