omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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