Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
