tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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