did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
