Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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