well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
