I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
