i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
