I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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