Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
