five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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