Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
