You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
