Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
false alarm, still single
Randomize
