when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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