Im at strip club and am horny
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
