I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
