Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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