My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
