I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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